Dear Diary,
woke up feeling guilty this morning…maybe guilty isn’t the right word…maybe, stressed? More simply put, I don’t feel like I’m on the right track…like I’m not reaching my full potential.
My first thought was that I must be letting external pressure and expectations get to me.
I sat here trying to reassure myself…repeating over and over that I’m too hard on myself because I’m doing my best.
Then it hit me…I’m not doing my best.
I don’t act out of selflessness.
I don’t always have willing hands…often they’re too busy scrolling on social media, which then leads me to feel even worse about my shortcomings.
The truth is that I’m not doing my best, and I’ve allowed my victim mentality to convince me that I am.
The modern world has this narrative that I’ve allowed dictate my perspective…we’re told we should be easy on ourselves because we’re doing our best. But are we?
What is so wrong with admitting that we can do better?
Isn’t improvement a good motivator?
I’m not actually reaching my full potential because I’m not actually doing my best.
Why should I continue to live a mediocre life? Just so I can live in a false reality where I can say I’m doing my best?
Maybe I’m so unhappy and feel like the world is against me because I keep telling myself I’m doing my best when I’m not…when I know I can do better.
Suddenly, the guilty feeling I’ve been wrestling with all morning has lost.
By admitting the truth, I feel like I’ve already won...like I’m already doing better…not my best, but better, and that feels good.